Phragments from Phyllis for Aug. 14, 2008

Life is about to change and I'm not sure I'm ready.

My friend, Susan, really is moving to the Dominican Republic. She is going to be the assistant principal at Garden Kid's International School in Sosua.

She held a "moving-out-of-the-country" yard sale last Saturday and, if there were any doubt -- read that hope -- that she might not go, it was dashed when I went to her house after the sale was over.

In her usual form, despite the fact that she was obviously occupied with the sale Saturday, she had invited my family and Cat's fiance to an evening of dinner and games, in her words, to see if Scott (the fiance) passes muster. She had said to get her approval, he had to be able to make a fool of himself while playing games and to not be offended when we make fun of him and, oh yes, to lose. He did OK. We may keep him.

But I digress. This is about Susan. When we arrived, I looked around at what was left of her life there and realized she is indeed moving on.

It is difficult for me to pinpoint when we became friends. Ernie, her son, was in Liz's first grade class but at that time Susan was working at Byrd Elementary School. Somewhere along the way -- and again I can't remember exactly when -- she came to work at Mead Hall as a first grade teacher. I think that first year I was her secret pal and, as a result, I did get to know her likes and dislikes.

Ernie was in class with one of my girls every year at Mead Hall and that, coupled with my teaching there meant we came in contact a great deal.

From there we started playing bridge together and eventually discovered that we both like to shop and eat. As our children grew, Ernie and Cat became Social partners and we discovered there is power in numbers -- For example, Ernie and Cat both like to bicker for bickering sake and that would often make them late coming out of Social. We discovered all we had to do was threaten to stand in the parking lot and sing a duet of "Going to the Chapel" to convince them that getting to the car quickly after Social was advisable.

And along the way I found a real friend -- someone who could make you laugh when you wanted to cry, someone who would cry with you, someone who wasn't judgmental but helpful when you might be headed in a not-so-wonderful direction.

As a teen and young woman, I gravitated to men. I never had any real girlfriends that I spent time with sans the man in my life. Oh, I had friends, but, as they say, there is a world of difference between "friends" and "girlfriends." Susan is the shining example of that fact and one of the few girlfriends I have ever had.

She hasn't been someone just to go to dinner with or to join a club with -- though we certainly have done that, too.

Instead she has held my hand when I felt my heart would break.

She has brought me soup when I was sick.

She always finds the perfect card for me -- right down to one occasion on which she and I both bought the same card for each other. That's when I knew I had a real girlfriend, who understood.

She has kept my secrets and not been offended when I didn't always take her advice.

She has not concerned herself with whose turn it is to host dinner or to drive. Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it. Sometimes you take it,

She has given birthday parties in my honor and hosted a baby shower for my grandchild.

She has been there for the joys and the sorrows and always managed to do or say the right thing -- She helped me choose a puppy when our first dog had died. (Of course, she encouraged me by saying the dog of choice would likely only be about 45 pounds ... 75 pounds later ...) She has even been there to support decisions that might not be in her best interest. When I was trying to decide on a career path -- one that resulted in my leaving Mead Hall to work at The Star full time -- she did mention some fear as to how that might affect our friendship but she supported my decision.

Now, I'm feeling guilty for thinking all too much about how her decision is going to affect my life. It will be a great adventure for her. The Dominican Republic will be a fun place to visit for me and to live for her. But I will miss my almost daily contact with my friend.

The good news is that she will return to the states at Christmas and during the summers. And if she decides at some point to return "home" for good, I will be happy -- no, ecstatic -- to welcome her back.

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