Community's care appreciated

I want to say thank you.

I don't believe my words will be able to match what is in my heart, but please let me give it a try.

As many of you read or know, my wife, Lois, died last week. She had H1N1 flu, but also other complications.

Lois had had a lung/kidney syndrome since childhood. There is also the possibility that a drug she was taking for something totally unrelated caused her white blood cell count to drop to a negligible level before she entered the hospital, further complicating the efforts to save her.

I am certainly not medically trained, so if the above description is not completely accurate, the fault is with me.

As I said at her memorial service Sunday, Lois was a beautiful woman, a good woman and one heck of a nurse. She had a way of seeing both needs and solutions for others.

Our daughter, Eleanor, and I miss her deeply - in ways both large and small. But we are doing OK.

That's why I wanted to write. I believe we are doing OK because we have felt the presence of God through you.

We greatly appreciate the thoughts, prayers, cards, notes, food and flowers we have received. Sometimes the attention has been overwhelming. Certainly, it has been humbling.

First, I want to thank all of the people who worked so hard to save Lois' life. I believe the physicians, medical specialists and the wonderful nurses did all they could. I appreciate as well the care and concern they showed to both Eleanor and me. Because Lois was part of their family, they are acutely feeling the loss as well.

I also want to thank other staff and representatives at Aiken Regional for the help they gave me during a difficult time.

I am most appreciative, too, of the efforts and concerns of my work family: fellow staff members at the Aiken Standard and The Star, those at our corporate office and at other properties within our company. Their understanding and compassion touched me greatly.

A special thank you goes to Eleanor's friends, their families and her teachers. Dealing with death can be awkward for any of us, but it is particularly so for young people, who have little or no experience with it. Eleanor's friends, their families and her teachers have rallied around her. They've come to our house, had Eleanor to their houses, and they came to the visitation and memorial service. Their attention to her has greatly comforted me.

I must thank, too, all those in our community and even beyond who prayed for Lois, Eleanor and me and who have also offered so many kind words.

I'm sorry that the words of thanks above are so general. At one point, I hoped I could mention everyone by name. But I soon realized that the outpouring of love we have received was so vast that it would not be possible.

I hope I am not offending others, but I do want to mention three specific acts that were greatly important to me:

* I don't know if it was by chance or by practice, but just before Lois was intubated, Jane Keisler and Martha Ebel, who have both served in the ministry of our church, came to our room. Among the last words Lois heard while conscious were prayers. I am so grateful.

* On the night that Lois was transported to MUSC, I went home for a few minutes around dinner time to get some things in order. I was going to drive the next morning to Charleston to be with Lois. While at home, I got an e-mail from Tim O'Briant, our news director, suggesting that he drive me to Charleston. At first, I thought that wasn't necessary, but then thought better of it and agreed. When I found very early the next morning that I needed to go to North Charleston instead, I again first thought I would make that drive myself. I thought some more and realized that might not be a good idea. I called Tim, and he drove me to Trident Hospital and back. When we stopped in Orangeburg for gas and to use the restroom, I found that my legs felt like Jell-O and that I actually had to think to put one in front of the other.

* After getting the early morning call that I needed to go to North Charleston, I had to wake Eleanor and tell her the terrible news. We talked and cried. I asked if she wanted me to get someone to stay with her while I made the trip. She said no, but I'm glad I decided otherwise. I called and woke Anne Jones, an ICU nurse, neighbor and good friend of Lois'. By the time I got back from North Charleston, Anne had had a wonderful talk with Eleanor about Lois and life, and helped her to understand what had happened. Had I stayed, I could never have done so well.

I've been asked by so many if there is anything they can do for us. I'm going to be a bit selfish now and say yes. There are three things:

* Continue to pray for Eleanor and me. You have given us strength. We will continue to need that in the months to come.

* Find ways to be compassionate. I do not mean this as a criticism, but as an opportunity. As I mentioned, I think Lois had a particular knack for seeing both needs and solutions. Most of these acts were small. For example, she might help patients or family members better understand procedures or even, seeing someone who appeared to be lost in the hospital, personally walking them instead of pointing them toward their destination. I'm trying to use her inspiration to find more small ways to help others. Just think of the collective good in our community if we all would do that.

* Please tell me if you helped with the care of Lois or prayed for her during her illness. I will be glad to thank you. I'm doing my best to personally thank so many who helped. But I realize that there are many names that I don't know.

Eleanor and I know that we will have many difficult days. On my way to a store this week, I drove by the hospital for the first time since last week. Both the agony of Lois' fight and the memory of the years of good work she had put in there hit me pretty hard.

I wanted Lois to recover from the illness for the obvious reason: We loved her. But at one point, too, I wanted desperately to be able tell her all that was being done for her and her "little family," as she called us.

I hope somehow she knew.

We have felt God's presence through your thoughts, prayers and other actions.

I thank you very much.