Pornography will destroy marriage, you 3/1/2009 12:57 AM By ROGER ROLLINS Columnist
"Trust is like a vase ... once it's broken, though you can fix it, the vase will never be same again." - Anonymous
"What pornography is really about, ultimately, isn't sex but death." - Susan Sontag
John and Jane had been married for 15 years and appeared to have the ideal marriage. But recently, Jane noticed John becoming more distant, not as open and free as he used to be, almost secretive. It was like he was trying to hide something.
At first Jane thought John might be having an affair with one of the ladies in his workplace. Jane knew from the business parties she attended with her husband that there were plenty of them around.
Then Jane happened to walk by the computer one day when John was on it. He didn't see her, but what she saw made her realize that John was having an affair all right - with a virtual woman. He was caught up in pornography.
John wasn't alone. It is estimated 28,258 people every second, mostly men (72 percent) but also women (28 percent) view pornography. Every 39 minutes a new pornographic video is being created in the United States.
People who profess to be Christians aren't immune. More than 45 percent of Christians admit that pornography is a major problem in their home. An anonymous survey conducted recently by Pastors.com reported that 54 percent of pastors admitted viewing porn within the last year.
In an online newsletter, 34 percent of female readers of Today's Christian Woman (Fall 2003) admitted to intentionally accessing Internet porn. One out of every six women who read Today's Christian Woman say they struggle with addiction to pornography.
Paul Coughlin, in the article "Virtual Infidelity and Marriage" published by Focus on the Family, tells us that pornography is becoming a primary component in marital infidelity and ultimate failure.
As the statistics above point out, pornography and infidelity are not just a problem of the husband.
Coughlin notes that a husband's temptation toward visual infidelity is erosive or visible from the outside and easier to spot.
A wife's temptation is more subtle and nuanced, making it corrosive, or less visible, attacking from the inside and harder to spot, acknowledge and heal.
Years ago, smoking was an acceptable practice with no clearly identified permanent hazards. We now know how dangerous smoking is. Pornography may be in a similar early state. But I think we are beginning to realize how dangerous pornography is.
One of the main problems with pornography is its easy access. Statistics show that about one-third of all Internet websites are pornographic. This is far above the next lower category.
The evidence of its presence says it's not just in somebody else's backyard. It's right here in River City, otherwise known as our wonderful hometown of Aiken. I have observed the devastation it causes in the lives of our family and friends.
The destruction isn't just of a sexual nature. It infects every part of marriage because one of the main casualties of pornography is trust. When trust is lost, a relationship is destroyed, and it's very difficult to rebuild.
We are told in the Bible that without faith we cannot please God. Faith and trust are synonymous. In like manner, without trust, we cannot please our spouse. They don't know what to believe, and our every action is suspect.
If you are not yet caught up in pornography, don't assume it's because you are immune. None of us are. Stay away from it. Recognize that you are vulnerable and do everything you can to avoid it.
Put Internet pornography filters on your computer, not just to protect your children but to protect you. Be careful what you watch on TV or at the movies. We have been subtly and sometimes not so subtly programmed to accept the abnormal as normal.
If you are involved in pornography, seek help now.
Once you've stepped into quicksand, you will be sucked down to death unless you get help from outside the mud.
Your relationship and your marriage depend on it.
The Family & Marriage Coalition of Aiken, Inc. (FAMCO) provides resources for you to succeed in your marriage and families. Roger Rollins, Executive Director, FAMCO, 640-4689, rogerrollins@aikenfamco.com, http://www.aikenfamco.com.
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Comment Title: Pornography leads to Infidelity!
I agree, pornography is destructive and often leads to adultery. If you're tired of not knowing, and possibly living a delusion, you need rock solid proof if there's something going on or not when "no one's watching." Here's how. http://www.7daydetective.com/books2.html
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