The gift of touching

"People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them." - Bible

"In my opinion, touching is the most vital gift that you can give and receive." - Paul Mauchline

My memories of growing up are pleasant, having been blessed with a family that loved me and cared for me.

Looking back on my family now, however, I realize that I missed something which I would have enjoyed and which might have affected my ability to interact with others today.

Although I knew the love was there, it was seldom expressed in words and essentially never expressed through the medium of touch.

The absence of words didn't bother me much because "actions speak louder than words," but I think the absence of and almost inability to touch had a greater effect than I realized.

Virginia Satir, a renowned family therapist, believed that everyone needed to give and receive a minimum of 12 hugs each day.

The popularity of teddy bears and other stuffed animals is an indicator of our need to touch. One reason that pets raise our spirits is that we touch them and they nuzzle back. These may offer some temporary comfort, but there is no substitute for the gentle, loving touch of a warm palm on a shoulder, forehead or back.

Years ago, there was an ongoing telephone campaign promoting long-distance calling with the slogan "Reach out and touch someone." It didn't say talk to someone; it said touch someone.

For many years premature infants were touched only minimally to minimize the risk of infection and to avoid putting undue strain on the heart and lungs. However, it was observed that the growth of these infants was not as rapid as those who received more fondling. Premature babies need to be touched just like other babies.

A study with underweight premature babies demonstrated the benefits of touching. For 10 days, the infants were given three 15-minute massages. Even though the untouched babies consumed the same number of calories as the touched babies, the touched babies gained on average 50 percent more weight per day. Up to a year later, they had maintained their growth advantage and had better mental and physical abilities. And all from 10 days of therapeutic touch.

A lot of us are afraid of physical touch. Certainly, we must be sensitive to others and avoid touching them in any way that might be offensive to them. Safe and very effective touching can be as simple as a hand on the arm or a simple pat on the shoulder.

Gueguen and Fischer-Lokou (2003) showed how touching another person during a conversation influenced the other person very strongly. After touching a stranger when asking directions, turning away and "dropping" some diskettes, the touched subject would stoop to help pick them up 90 percent of the time, as opposed to 63 percent of the time when they were not touched.

Library users touched while registering rate the library and its personnel higher. Restaurant diners are more satisfied and give larger tips when waiting staff casually touch them.

Within the family, the effect of touching is even greater. There is, of course, the obvious sensual touching connected with bodily or sexual pleasures between a husband and wife. But even preceding that and enhancing the sexual pleasures to both are the ongoing touches during the day: the warm hand to the arm in passing, the touch to shoulder, holding hands together.

There is something about touching that creates bonds and brings down barriers. Touching enhances any relationship, no matter how casual. Just ask any successful salesman.

There may even be healing power in the act of touching. Many times in the Bible we have examples of Jesus healing others by touching them. Often when praying for people the laying on of hands is part of the process.

Practice year-around giving by recognizing the importance of touch, giving ourselves something healthy that we require, and strengthening the relationships we have with family and friends. Go ahead and give your spouse a hug.

The Family and Marriage Coalition of Aiken Inc. (FAMCO) provides resources for you to succeed in your marriage and families. Roger Rollins, Executive Director, FAMCO, 640-4689, rogerrollins@aikenfamco.com, www.aikenfamco.com.